Many of us were in the middle of doing something with our careers as independent women before dealing with major catastrophes in our lives such as an IED blast in our life. Pretty much a giant bomb went off in mine not only in terms of how it hurt my husband, but how it disrupted our life. However, there were positive things that came out of it.
What were you doing? What were you in the midst of? What are things you want to do once you feel that things are a bit more even keel? What are some of the criteria you use on your life for that “even keel?” Is it a winding down of medical practitioner visits? Not so many visits to the VA? One hospitalization a year vs 6? Is it him and you now sleeping more at night? (If so, I am very happy for both of you!) I would love to hear what it is that constitutes smooth sailing for you.
I was talking to my counselor a few months ago and she asked me something I hadn’t thought of in a long time. “What were you doing before your husband got hurt and what would you like to do or do differently when things get as close to normal for you?” I think it was a good fifteen minutes before I could answer her. I hadn’t really thought about it in so long. I had left it behind during the grief part of everything. So what do I like doing? What are things that drive ME? What were things I was good at? I had forgotten the idea of me along the way.
I was at a retreat with an amazing group almost two years ago called Courage Beyond and one of the exercises we got to do was painting. I had forgotten how much I truly love watching the color play on the canvas. What fun it was to mix colors and create my own palette. Kind of like how I have always enjoyed playing with makeup and hair, but went to college for Journalism and Broadcast instead. Anyone that knows me sees my love for color, retro fashions, and the old glamour pin-up looks from the 50’s. You can check out my page here:
I have been thinking. I love belly dancing, painting, burlesque, writing and so much more. How do I pick something and narrow it down? One advantage of all of the changes in our life is that I was saved from my boring job at a large computer company and pursuing my MBA. I was one course in it and had earned a B before Todd got hurt. One course that made me think “why do I care about capitol management and why is it so damn boring?” I had no desire to manage people and deal with HR issues. I had no desire to be someone’s sales monkey anymore. Selling lots of hardware and seeing very little commission or anything in return.
For the past few years I have been ballet dancing and belly dancing. I love dancing. It is in my blood and I feel so happy and calm and like my old self when I do it. It is one of the best forms of exercise I know and something I can do for hours without it feeling as boring as being on a treadmill. I did the Shimmy Mob a year ago and got to perform with a bunch of women to benefit an agency that helped victims of domestic violence. It was empowering and fun and something I will do again.
I used to sell Artistry makeup when we did Amway back in the early ’90’s. I really enjoyed doing make overs for women and watching them be happy with their reflections. When I was younger, I used to do some modeling and learned a lot about techniques and different cosmetic lines. I used to buy a lip color called LipSense from my friend whose aunt sold it. It was amazing as I could dance and it would stay put. Of course, my favorite color is Blu Red. It looks like a Hollywood lip color the stars of the 50’s used. As a dancer, I got hooked on it.
I decided last summer to sell it myself for a few reasons. One being it was a lot easier having direct access to and the rest of the amazing product line and two, I miss having a job that pays me a real salary. I miss having my own business. This was a compromise. I get to play with colors and see women happy with themselves instead of tearing themselves down. So, it was a step I made to do something fun for me. It does not involve anything wounded. Nothing military. Nothing manly. Nothing predictable. Nothing medical. It is all fun. It is work, but fun.
Something that reminds me that I was a woman who had her own career, her own life before some idiot terrorist blew up life as I knew it. The blast is NOT who we are as a family. It is something that seriously was one of the worst things ever, but honestly it made us grow together as a family, as a couple and made me grow and mature as a wife and mother. I refuse to be defined by something that is no longer. It has been four years since this tragic event happened.
I choose to honor the people lost by living the life I have left. Enjoying my days with my family. Making the most of the time I have with my husband. Basking in the glow of his good days and treasuring the wonderful friends I have made during this major change in my life. This is not a blog piece about my makeup line, but a piece I felt like writing as it deals with change. Change for yourself. Change to make you feel more like you. How to get yourself back. Sure, our service members were wounded, but they are our men. Our husbands, lovers, fathers…so many roles they play in life just like we do. I have been focusing on ways to encourage him to make changes in his life as I have done with mine. At the end of the day, we are husband and wife and parents of a wonderful son.
Not victims. Not over. Not lost.
More changes ahead. Stay tuned!